|Reince Priebus, RNC chair, |
addresses the crowd after
last night's debate.
At an emergency press conference, the Republican Party leaders hastily put together a statement regarding the upcoming election.
Reince Priebus, chairman of the RNC, read this statement to the media late last night:
"Given the lack of a serious GOP candidate, the RNC has decided to forego traditional procedures and nominate Jesus Christ for the Republican ticket. The national party sees it as a way to save time and money on the hectic primary process, and to begin to focus on our true job: making Obama a one-term President! And besides, it's Jesus! Who doesn't love Jesus?"Upon hearing this, Jesus himself flew from Heaven to address the press.
"I am afraid I must refuse this nomination," said the Lord. "For the GOP does not represent my ideals. For Pete's sake, I healed the sick for free! They call that socialism. I fed the poor. I preached that the rich should sell their possessions to help the poor, and that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven. It's documented in my bestseller! Besides, ruling the universe is a much easier gig than trying to run this broken system. And I wasn't even born in America! And stop saying Obama wasn't born here, he was, I know it. I'm God!"
The Creator and Ruler of the Universe flew back to His throne in Heaven. We're still waiting for word on whether Priebus will resign in disgrace, and how the GOP will move forward from this setback.
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